The Harem Men's Club
by Alitolexlto
Summary: What if there was a club where harem male leads go to discuss business? Well this one shot answers that question, but it appears we've entered at a bad time...the passing of the president. ONE SHOT Based off of "Jimmy Kimbell Show" skit called "Handsome men's club".


**The Harem Men's Club**

**Hey guys. Alito again. After watching the "handsome men's club" skit from the Jimmy Kimbell show, I just couldn't help but wanting to put anime harem leads in the places of the handsome men to see how it would be. This is just a one shot so don't expect more. I'm sorry if your favorite harem lead isn't in here or I messed up on a few things.**

**Here we go.**

The room was a round, office with a single banister on the front of it. On it was a glorious insignia that had trumpets and Eagles flying around it. Its words were in big bold letters that seemed to glimmer in the room's light. There stood at the front was a podium that had a man standing on it. He held a mirror in front of his face as did the many other men in the room who sat at the round table. At least sixteen men in total.

"Yes. You are in a Harem." They all said simultaneously, "You did it. Even though you don't even have a clue. You're still swimming in bitches. Good job, mom. Better than actual handsome men. I swear I didn't touch that loli."

"Okay then." said the man on the podium that put his mirror down along with everyone else. He had black short hair with a bit of it in a pony tail, brown eyes, wore a black suit and a red and black tie. This was Tenchi Masaki (Tenchi Muyo). "The meeting of the Harem Men's Club will begin." Tenchi announced as he hit the javelin down. "First order of business; Rito, how's sales doing on "Tsundere repellent"?"

"About seventy five million dollars." Answered the orange haired, yellow eyed Rito Yuuki (To-LOVE-ru) who checked his papers. "It's selling really nicely the more Tsundere girls are coming in."

"Good. I'm not too surprised." Tenchi nodded. But then he turned to his right. "Harima, good call on not wearing a shirt today."

"Feels better this way." Said the shirtless muscular, black haired, shades wearing Harima Kenji (School Rumble) who was stretching out.

"Okay, so where are we for harems in the smaller towns?" Tenchi asked.

"Narukami Yu's got it." Said the short, black haired, brown eyed Tomoki Sakurai (Sora no Otoshino). "Yu's always got it."

"Of course." Tenchi nodded. He then looked to the left once more and sighed. "Ken, put your mirror down, would ya?"

"Oh, sorry Tenchi. I got lost in my own eyes." Said the smirking brown haired brown eyed Sugisaki Ken. (Setoki no Ichizon)

"Yeeah, okay new possible member." Tenchi announced as he showed pictures of potential members. "We have Kouta Oyamada from "Kanokon". Show of hands for harem?"

Everyone immediately raised their hands to this.

"All oppose?" Tenchi said.

Everyone immediately dropped their hands in disagreement.

Tenchi then got a good look at the picture of him and said, "I don't know, I don't see him in a hug harem too much. Over-ruled. Cute though."

Almost everyone was confused and flabbergasted at how the president denied a possible and great guest. As he slammed the javelin it was official and no one could question.

"What's wrong with cute?" asked the petite short black haired brown eyed Seina Yamada (Tenchi Muyo GXP) who took the picture from him. "He's not that behind."

"Yes, but he has a quota to work by." Tenchi reminded Seina, "And he's still a long way from meeting it."

"O-Oh yeah. You're right." Seina agreed.

"Of course. Anyway, let's continue." Tenchi continued, bringing in another picture. "Hideki Motosuwa from "Chobits". Show of harem?"

"Wait a sec, I can't see." Said a voice from a computer on the right side of the round table. Tenchi sighed as he said, "Pass this to him." He asked the male on his left as they passed it to a computer screen of one of the members on the screen for him to see.

"Y'know Kintaro, maybe if you could actually be here in person instead of traveling on that bike as a fretter, we wouldn't be doing this." Tenchi sighed.

"Shut up, Tenchi. I'm evaluating Haremness." Said the long ponytail brown haired, brown eyed Kintaro oe (Golden Boy) with glasses on his eyes now. By the looks of the background he was in a tent but still wore a suit. "Okay, I'm ready now."

"Good." Tenchi said as he held a copy of that picture of Hedeki. "Now then, all in favor of harem?"

Everyone once again raised their hands in agreeing that Hedeki should join in.

"All oppose?"

Everyone's hands went immediately down in disagreement.

Tenchi then took a good look at the picture and everyone knew just what he was gonna do. Tenchi finally said, "I don't know. Robot women aren't what I would really consider harem material."

"What?" Tomoki outraged, "Seriously? You have aliens in your harem!"

"And you have angeloids, but there at least a bit more human." Tenchi said, "Anyway, overruled." He smacked the javelin and that was that. Tomoki only sighed in irritation as everyone else sat in irritation as well.

"Why bother even vote?" Kintaro questioned.

Everyone simply sat in silence just wanting to at least get this meeting over with quickly.

"Okay then. Any old business?" Tenchi asked.

"Umm, nope. No old business." Seina said checking his papers.

"Um, excuse me. I never got a response to a request to legally change my name." Said the spiky black haired black eyed Touma Kamijou. (Toaru Majutsu no index).

"To what?" Rito asked.

"Harem palm." Touma asked.

Everyone at first thought it was the weirdest name to be given, but Tenchi simply stood there mouthing the name and nodded in agreement to the name. "Approved." Tenchi hit the javelin and it was official, to Touma's giddiness. "Okay any new business?"

"Uuuh, nope." Seina checked, "no new buis—"

"Excuse me, but I'd like to make a notion." Said the ten year old auburn haired, small pony tailed, brown eyed, glasses wearing Negi Springfield (Mahou Sensei Negima!) with his hand raised.

"Negi has the floor." Tenchi ruled.

"Well, I vote that we have a new…president." Negi said sternly.

The entire room went silent to this sudden notion as they all looked back at Tenchi, waiting for his response. He then gave one; "Motion denied." Tenchi announced with a smack of the javelin.

"What, why?" Negi questioned.

"Because we have the best President in the world; me." Tenchi smiled proudly.

"Well maybe you shouldn't be president." Negi said sternly, "That's why I made the motion. Better yet…maybe you should retire, Tenchi-san."

Everyone felt a cold chill down their spine at the sheer tension that was filling the room right now. No one said a thing or even dared to say a word as of late. Tenchi stood there appalled at what this boy was saying. "Pardon me?" Tenchi demanded.

"I think what he's saying is; we all got voted into this club." Rito explained. "You've always been here and as such hardly anyone could reach your status of a harem."

"What are you saying? I'm fair." Tenchi objected as he pointed at Negi, "I bet he's just saying that to take my place! I mean come on, he's got 31 girls and is a teacher, but he's so not ready to take responsibility to hold this javelin and take my place!"

"Well maybe I could then!" Negi challenged.

"Oh really?-!" Tenchi argue back.

"Okay, Y'know what, why don't we have an actual vote on whether you should still be in this Harem culture or not."Sugisaki suggested.

"I second that." Kintaro agreed.

"There was a vote!" Tenchi said, "A long time ago in "Top 5 God-like falling on girls skills" maybe some of you have heard of that?-!"

"Oh, I'm well aware of that." Rito nodded. "Took first place this year."

"Well a long time ago, I happen to take first place in that, and as such, I am the president!" Tenchi said sternly, "I even had a three page spread!"

"Obviously, that was a joke." Sugisaki mocked, "That was back when you hardly had a harem."

"You hardly have a harem." Tenchi argued.

"You hardly have a harem." Sugisaki sent back.

"Ha! I actually do!" Tenchi said in victory.

"At least didn't pick the "marry them all" route Tenchi, Seina…Rito?" Sugisaki targeted with a grin on his face. Both Seina and Rito did lower their heads a bit, but not too much Rito since he didn't get married to all his girls…as long as the harem plan for him is off.

"See, this is why I didn't want hoodlums in the club!" Tenchi said angrily.

"Just what the hell's that suppose to mean?-!" Harima exclaimed angrily.

"Exactly! Tenchi, you need to retire!" Tomoki demanded.

"Are you nuts?-!" Seina called out.

"Thank you, Seina." Tenchi nodded to before looking at everyone else. "I am the harem president, and the best Harem lead. Hell, I probably have the best body in here!" He unbuttoned his suit jacket to show off his body.

"Oh, you do?" Harima questioned making note of his own muscular physic.

"Yeah, I do!" Tenchi argued to.

"I can't take this anymore. He's wearing Spanxs!" Confessed the black haired black eyed Minato Sahashi. (Sekirei)

Everyone in the room was shocked to hear this as most men don't usually wear Spanxs in the harem leads club since more are scrawny on their own.

"No, I'm not!" Tenchi denied.

"Oh, yeah?" Minato said as he stood up and literally ripped open Tenchi's shirt to in fact reveal the Spanxs that he was wearing all this time. The room roared in gasp at the horrid sight of the dreaded Spanxs being worn by the president of Harems himself.

"Spanxs…fuckin' Spanxs." Touma said in disbelief.

"N-No, those are my Galaxy defending tights!" Tenchi said, buttoning his jacket back up, "I fight evil aliens and space pirates with them! And now that you've revealed what I am, your lives are in danger so that's all on you! Good luck staying alive!"

"My girls are angeloids." Tomoki noted.

"My girls are aliens themselves." Rito noted.

"My girls are Sekirei." Minato noted.

"Do I really need to say?" Negi smiled, with everyone knowing full well what he could do.

Anyway, let's not get off the main topic at hand here." Sugisaki said as he looked directly at Tenchi with a smirk, "You're fat."

"You're fat! I'm a harem lead! King even!" Tenchi argued, "Hell, I'm a lot more handsome then a lot of you!"

"Ha! Don't even lie!" Sugisaki said harshly.

"I mean it! Look at Yuichi!" Tenchi pointed across the table, "Look at his eyes! They're slanted a bit and way to dreary! How do people even know you're Japanese with eyes like that?"

"Better than your dinner plate drawn eyes…" Mumbled the brown haired green eyes Yuichi Aizawa (Kanon).

"Look at Yamato, he's got lady hair!" Tenchi pointed out.

"Oh, that's low, man! I'm way smarter then you at least!" exclaimed the brown haired brown eyed Yamato Naoe. (Maji De Wat…wat…wah…wai…FUCK IT, just call it Majikoi)

"Whatever!" Tenchi waved, "I'm handsome, ask anyone! Saito, you agree right?-!"

"Don't put me in this." Dismissed the black haired blue eyed Higura Saito (familiar of Zero). "I already have Louise, I don't need another Tsundere yelling in my ear every ten seconds."

"Sell out…" Tenchi mumbled.

"Listen Tenchi-san, nobody in here, besides you, thinks that you should stay here!" Negi tried to reason with him, but to no actual avail.

…

…

"I think you should stay."

Everyone suddenly turned to the person standing behind Tenchi only to find it to be the black haired Orimura Ichika (Infinite Stratos) who wore black shades and was playing an electric piano in a beautiful slow rhythm.

"Thank you, Ichika." Tenshi nodded.

"Oh, come now Ichika-san!" Negi couldn't believe, "Better yet, when did you learn how to play the piano?"

"Cecilia." Ichika noted.

"See that?" Tenchi announced, "I think what Ichika's trying to say is that…a Harem lead isn't made from the face…it's from the heart. Yeah we have flaws…"

"WE HAVE FLAWS~" Ichika sang.

"…Maybe we have bad tripping problems and landing on girls…"

"LANDING ON GIRLS~"

"And maybe we're just too dense to know a girl likes us…"

"THAT GIRL LIKES YOU MAN~"

"…And maybe we've touched the breast of a thirteen year old girl…"

"LOLI BREAST OF A THRTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL~"

Everyone had to nod shamefully on that.

"…But that doesn't mean anything." Tenchi smiled, "What's important is that, we're all Harem leads to make our girls happy on the inside."

"HAPPY INSIDES~"

"Because that's what matters…Harem beauty fades…"

"BEAUTY FADES~"

"…I mean look at Kintaro…"

"LOOK AT KINTARO~"

Kintaro gave Tenchi an annoyed stare.

"I believe that our girls will help us out in the end." Tenchi nodded.

"I BELIEVE—~"

"—Ichika, please! I'm trying to talk here, give it a rest?" Tenchi Asked rather rudely.

Ichika just stood there appalled at Tenchi suddenly stopping him and simply removed his shades and walked off while mumbling "I had your back, punk ass bitch." And with that walked back to his seat.

"The point is; I am a Harem lead." Tenchi said proudly, "And I'm damn proud to be the president of the Harem Men's Club now…and forever."

Everyone took a bit of silence to let his words sink in to them. He was right at one point though; as Harem leads, they knew that they had to do whatever it took to make their girls happy one way or another. It was what made them feel a sense of happiness and accomplishment for them and they knew that happiness for them was what made them smile on the inside as well.

Even so, a vote was still needed to be done.

"Uh, all in favor of him staying?" Seina said with a raised hand. "Tenchi Muyo: GXP says yes."

No one did so at all as the dead silence filled the room in a harsh mistress. Tenchi was just about heart-broken at this and couldn't help but look towards his only real companion, only to see that, he too, had no hand raised. "Kenshi…you too?" Tenshi uttered in disappointment.

The short one with black short hair in a small pony tail and brown eyes known as Kenshi Masaki (Tenchi Muyo! War on Geminar) was unable to even look Tenshi in the face.

"All oppose?" Negi asked as he raised his hand. "Negima says no."

"To-LOVE-ru says no." Rito raised.

"School Rumble says naw." Harima raised.

"Sora no Otoshino says no, sorry." Tomoki raised.

"Setoki no Ichizon says nope." Sugisaki raised.

"Golden boy says no." Kintaro raised while blocking his head from the rain seeping through his tent's roof.

"Toaru Majutsu no index says no…sorry." Touma raised.

"Sorry, but Sekirei says…no." Minato raised.

"Kanon is definitely no." Yuichi raised.

" Majikoi is no." Yamato raised.

"Familiar of Zero is a no…" Saito raised.

"Infinite Stratos is a no…I had your back too…" Ichika raised.

"…Sorry…Tenchi Muyo: war on Germinar is…no." Kenshi raised.

It was agreed by all that Tenchi had to go. Though tough to tell someone to just get up and go, Tenshi was becoming old in his years as a harem lead (even though he still looked like his young self) and they felt it was time for him to retire.

"So that's how it is huh?" Tenshi said with a disappointed tone, "Fine…I'll go…with my head held harem…and these great takoyaki balls I made for all of us." Tenshi bent over and grabbed the boxes of takoyaki and immediately walked to the door. Though Seina wanted to stop him from leaving, but was stopped by Saito who could feel his pain, but it had to be done.

Tenshi opened the door and stood outside the office, but before he left, he wanted to say one last thing. Though he was tearing up a bit at leaving such a great club, he knew he had to get this out.; "Y'know…before I go…I want to leave you gentlemen with one last word…When the darkness shrouds over the light…there's always a way to shine forth…even when there's no hope to—"

Before Tenchi could finish, the door immediately slammed right in his face and the person responsible simply stood before the rest of the men and smirked. "Sorry guys, but we're outta time." Said the black haired almost red eyed Izaya Orihara (Durarara!) who wore his faux fur jacket over his suit. Though Izaya wasn't currently in a harem per say, he did have a harem during high school…of suicidal girls who worshiped him as a god.

Izaya then laughed hysterically as he felt the power assimilate to him and all the greatness of the harem club were fearful as to what his plans for this club were now.

"HAHAHA!-! **HAREM!-!**"

_**To be continued…?**_


End file.
